This is not about event planning or finding an awesome celebrant/officiant. This is about an ugly duckling that has a celebration to attend. Could be this duck IS the party, but the sad thing is they don’t want to be. As I spy with my little eye all of the beautiful

engagement and wedding photography strewn about the inter-webs, I see such lovely and attractive couples.

How can this be? Are they all professional shots with models and expensive set dressing? No. Real life people are beautiful and when someone can capture that happiness, comfort and joy it’s magical. It also appears expensive. But again it doesn’t have to be. You just have to tap into your creativity or find a photographer that can.

So how does the ugly duckling become a bride (or groom or “broom”)? The fantasy wedding and marriage isn’t on the table. It’s reality that makes them

look in the mirror and say “I’m not worth the time.” This includes not being worth the money and attention required to pull off even a small wedding (or other event). And going to City Hall isn’t a cop out. It still insists you get yourself together to be seen by everyone else in the county clerks office. This bride might not even believe her iphone can do her justice and attempts to modify it like the director of Tangerine, to no avail. Filters galore and nothing seems to work. But the photographic or filmic memories of the days events are extremely important. Many people have horror stories of terrible pictures taken on their wedding day so I think this should be one of the necessary items placed in your budget.

A good and creative photographer will be able to make any backdrop or staging work for the shoot (example: Daniel Lupercio @Killenvy on Twitter). Digital cameras allow them to amass a plethora of images that you can choose from, after all, some of us take 20 selfies before we settle on the right one. They should also have a knack for making people comfortable in front of the lens. Some of us pretend we’re famous and some of us are still camera shy.

To combat the anxiety and self loathing that may arise at picture time, here are some strategies to get those memories captured:

1) select a photographer you know, one who is recommended for you specifically or find one who seems to grasp your personality. Shop around.

2) talk about what you want portrayed in the images, how you can be kept the most comfortable and calm, and whether or not a makeup artist will join the scene.

3) make-up is important to creating particular looks. If you want to do your own, test out your look at least a week before the shoot. Modifications can be made before you get down to business.

4) let your partner know how you feel about these elements of your event (and pre-event planning). Together consider the things that absolutely must stay and what can go. Here are other tips for “saving” on that day…

5) finally, take some practice shots with your partner or a friend. Build up your confidence. Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself to be a professional model. So what if your face isn’t clear or your hair isn’t perfect. There are filters for that. If “faking it till you make it” is scientifically proven to change your attitude, then smile as much as you can until your face, body and mind begin to adjust.

The ugly duckling bride is just a swan who doesn’t know it. They know they deserve their celebration but doubt and fear creeps in dampening their outlook. Find encouragement in knowing that your celebration and YOU are a special event. They don’t happen often. Yes we document most moments in our lives, no matter how small or irrelevant, but this is no small moment. If only for this event, treat yourself to self care and trying new experiences.