Get some counseling. Not from a friend you spill tea with, unless they’re certified and you’re willing to tell the truth.

Find a soothsayer counselor that aligns with your values and identity needs. Perhaps because you are considering marriage or have run into a troubling time. Each participant will enter the session with their own needs (and wants) and should be prepared to commit themselves to a prescribed number of meetings. 

This is especially important if you are considering marriage or a domestic partnership. Entering into a contract calls for a serious evaluation of what each person expects. And let’s be honest, expectations are real and ever-changing.

This year has brought about many break ups. Long term commitments that were clearly difficult to navigate. Rules change, but you are responsible for telling all players the alterations. 

I have learned from a close friend that no matter what happens, it’s your marriage. This is not something they told me out right, but something I’ve witnessed over the years. The lying, cheating, betraying and forgiving is all up to you and how storied you want your marriage to be. The most difficult part of this is when others know. Advice is free. Opinions overflow. Gossip from the past abounds and still the most important decision comes from the couple. 

The couple needs help y’all. People need to stop relying solely on their limited knowledge and experience and expand their circle of information. People who have learned their lessons have also learned from the advice they didn’t take or the question they refused to answer. 

Sometimes we must suffer and sometimes we must make an appointment.