Doakes, Dexter and Self Love MF

“If you had a personal life you might not have made me your obsession and we wouldn’t be here right now.” -Dexter

Doakes tells it like it is…or at least the way he sees it which is black and white. Within a few episodes of the first season, Doakes refers to Dexter as a weirdo, a sociopath and claims he doesn’t have friends. What Doakes got wrong is that Dexter had all of those things. He was weird. He is a sociopathic serial killer. But he did have friends. Or rather people he created relationships with in case he needed an alibi for being normal. He has a foster sister he was raised with and eventually met his biological older brother. He was mentored by his foster father, Harry; guided to deal with his traumas in ways that wouldn’t harm innocent people.

The narrative consistently reminds you that Dexter is different. The ways in which he must move in the world to mask his true self. He maintains a relationship with a woman who had previously been abused by her husband which means she won’t demand much physical contact or rush into the personal deep dive. Eventually, this girlfriend even insists he join NA to deal with his “issues” but he has no problem with substance abuse or co-decency, in fact he uses these things as props to appear to blend in. His addiction is mental and NA was not going to address that. Besides, he kills killers. He’s obsessed with being a martyr if anything. His foster father’s code to channel his urges towards “bad people” keeps him satisfied. Like portion control eating. When it finally feels right.

Unfortunately, Doakes and Dexter are the same in that they refuse vulnerability. Despite Doakes being right 97% of the time, the way he goes about it is aggressive and near-sighted. Observing this approach I can see why he is blunt and to the point. He has nothing to hide, besides his secrets.

Let me clean up what I’m trying to say…

There are people who are honest and trustworthy, ethical and upright. There are liars, cheats and thieves. Neither group is going to tell you their secrets. Necessarily. Doakes will tell you he was in Special Ops but not discuss what he went through. As a Detective he shot two people in three months and didn’t think counseling was going to do a lick of help. He’s right again. Damned Doakes. His walls are as thick as Dexter’s.

They are reflections of each other, in a funhouse mirror. They can’t see it. It’s like their category has been called and all they’re giving is Face. Doakes serves face like no other, m*therf*cker.

This is the heroic and tragic protagonists/antagonist conflict, when both fail. I suppose you aren’t a hero if you can’t face the truth. All truths. The ones you see and the ones you cannot. The superficial and the biological. A hero, outside of the storybook and media tropes, must face old and new truths and continue to move forward. Obsession, no matter how righteous, is an act of disconnection. It’s a way to avoid other feelings and responsibilities that should probably have our attention. Attention paid towards healthier thoughts and habits that grow our capacity to be ourselves and tell the tea; Truth.

It’s okay Doakes. You missed your opportunity to tell the truth, not merely make accusations. He had the evidence in his hands. His need to control all aspects of how the truth was revealed is the mistake. Perhaps because of the need to control external reactions to the information. All his muscles and ability to give anyone a double tap to the chest in milliseconds didn’t save him. But the truth would have. He just went about it in secret; like Dexter.

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